Galley Gossip: Middle Seat Etiquette
Flying back from Honolulu, I found myself crammed in a middle seat. Now I'm not a big person, just a normal sized person, and yet there I sat with my elbows held tight against my side, my hands resting in my lap, as the broken seat in front of me reclined much farther back than it should have. Oh yeah, I had a woman's head an inch from my chest. Good thing I didn't need anything out of my tote-bag, the one located under the seat in front of me, the one I could not reach if I so inclined. And then, if that wasn't bad enough, things got worse, much worse.
The man sitting beside me, the one wearing the trendy dark blue designer jeans traveling with the family sitting across the aisle from him, claimed the armrest between us.
So what, you say? Wait...there's more.
The elbow, the one attached to a very tan and muscular arm, crept over the armrest and kept on going until it found itself in my space - MY SPACE! Thank god my son, and not another adult, sat on the other side of me, so I could lean way over into the space my son did not yet prize. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and tried not to scream as I felt the faint tickle of manly arm hairs against my skin.
Middle seat etiquette, am I the only one who cares?
I'll never forget when Cady, my best friend and old roommate, got called out to work a flight from New York to Los Angeles. This was thirteen years ago and we were on reserve and the thought of working a 767 transcon scared the heck out of us. We were new, brand spankin new, and that airplane was big, 160 passengers big! Keep in mind there were also nine flight attendants who knew exactly what they were doing, unlike the two of us, working on that gigantic bird! What made the trip even worse was that Cady had been called out to work the lead position on the 767. Cady, fresh from the charm farm, would be in charge for the next two days.
"How did it go?" I asked, practically leaping off the couch when she walked through the door after her trip the following evening.
Parking her black bag against the wall, she flopped down in front of the television on the lumpy sofa beside me. "I actually had to settle an argument between two grown men."
I laughed. "Over what?"
"An armrest. And they actually asked to speak to the one in charge. Me!"
"What did you say?" I asked, and it was at this point I wondered if I should fetch a pen and paper to write down what she had said, just in case I found myself in the same predicament on a future flight. Hey, a flight attendant does not want to experience any unplanned emergencies.
"I just told them they had to share. One guy could use the armrest for the first half of flight and the other guy could use it the last half of the flight. What else could I say?"
Cady had a point. There was not much else to say. Share the armrest, I made a mental note.
While I have witnessed many ridiculous things aboard the airplane, I have not had the pleasure of seeing two grown men duke it out over an armrest. Fighting over a seat being reclined, yes. An overhead bin, every single flight. A first class seat upgrade, oh yeah. But an armrest, never. I'm so grateful for that.
Flash forward thirteen years and I would have loved for someone like Cady to have stomped down the aisle in a pair of black scuffed up Dansko clogs and ordered that beefy guy sitting beside me to share. Not that I would have even used the armrest if Fancy Pants had actually moved his elbow a good five inches to the left, but it would have been nice to have had at least a few arm hair free minutes flying from Honolulu to Los Angeles.
Middle seat etiquette, that's what I spent the entire flight thinking about...
- Leave the armrest for the middle seat passenger. The window seat passenger has the window, while the aisle seat passenger has the aisle, but the middle seat passenger has nothing, nada, zilch, so please, for the love of god, give the person in the middle seat something, anything, an armrest, please!
- Do not hit the middle seat passenger in the head with your newspaper, even when the middle seat passenger is asleep and you are fairly sure they will not feel it.
- Do not use the middle seat passenger's tray table. Even if the middle seat passenger is not using it.
- Do not put your feet under the seat in front of the middle seat passenger, no matter how long your legs are, even if the middle seat passenger is short.
- Do not place your luggage underneath the seat in front of the middle seat passenger. The middle seat passenger has luggage, too.
- Do not bring aboard a pet, choose an aisle or window seat, and then expect to put the pet under the middle seat because it does not fit under your seat.
- Do not raise the armrest between you and the middle seat passenger, no matter how well you are getting along.
- Keep your hair away from the middle seat passenger, no matter how pretty or how manly it may be.
- Remember, middle seat passengers are people too!
As I sat there, going over the middle seat rules, that hairy arm resting a little too comfortably against mine, I flashed back to another middle seat situation I've experienced often - the open middle seat.
WOOHOO! I always think, whenever I see that open middle seat. I can not believe my luck. Nor can the passenger sitting on the other side of that same middle seat. I try not to get too excited, because one of two things are about to happen, and it most likely won't be the good thing. 
THE BAD THING: The passenger flings their jacket or purse or stack of magazines into the empty seat, claiming the space as their own.
If the good thing happens to you, and the seat actually remains open, fantastic. You're on a roll. Now may be the time to fly to Vegas and continue this amazing streak of luck at a table of cards. And don't forget to take me with you.
Juvenile, you say? Whatever. Do what you want. But you may soon find a pair of bare feet rubbing against your leg. Oh it happens. It's happened to me. Don't let it happen you.
Do you have a horrible middle seat story to share? I'd love to hear all about it.
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Sean Oct 17th 2008 12:51PM
My middle seat story happened a few years ago when me and my family were going from Honolulu to Minneapolis/St. Paul, an 8 hour flight. The airline broke out the DC-10 to make the journey and when we got on board I saw the seats went 2-5-2. I looked at my ticket and found I was the lucky middle seat passenger in the row of 5. Of course the other 4 people in my row showed up so I prepared for the worst. Before we even took off people on either side of me already claimed the armrests so for 8 hours, even while eating, I couldn't use the armrests. A few hours after that I had to get up to use the restroom and wouldn't you know, everyone in my row is asleep. I went through the "should I wake them" dillemma. I had to so when I got back to sit down I got the look. The rest of the flight was rather uneventful, just more of my personal space invasion. So there is my middle seat story.
Willy Oct 17th 2008 1:39PM
Middle seats suck.
Thomas Oct 17th 2008 3:14PM
I had a middle seat on an evening flight on an MD-80 flying from Copenhagen to London Heathrow. My girlfriend was in the window seat and there was another passenger in the aisle seat. We opened up my laptop to watch a movie and wouldn't you know it, the person in front of me put their seat back all the way down without checking behind them first. I am 6' 6", so this was not the most comfortable position to be in. I contemplated several times kneeing the back of her seat to give her a hint. We ended up switching the laptop to my girlfriend's seat tray, and the same exact thing happened with the person in front of her! Then during landing the person never put her seat back up in front of me because it was broken. I couldn't believe it. I was so mad I forgot my headphones on the plane.
Your etiquette list should include something about checking to see if there is someone behind you before thrusting your seatback ALL the way down.
Lampbane Oct 17th 2008 8:23PM
Honestly, I think they should eliminate reclining seats in general. They aren't that much more comfortable for the person sitting in them, and they make the flight 100% worse for the person sitting behind them.
When the seat is empty it does become a free-for-all. If the person starts dropping their stuff in the seat I usually just gently nudge it over to "their half." The worst was when some a-hole put his dirty napkin on top of my pillow. ARGH!
Frank Oct 19th 2008 12:13PM
I remember deadheading years ago. Upon getting to our assigned row a lady in the "window seat" had placed her bag under the "middle seat." In uniform, we asked her if the bag belonged to her. "Yes, it is." she replied. And, she continued by saying, "I cant fit it under MY seat, I NEED that space." She basically refused to move her bag.
How's that for a middle seat and NO ROOM for your own bag or legroom!
LawyerChick Oct 18th 2008 5:40PM
Oh, it is common knowledge and etiquette among frequent flyers that the middle seat gets the armrest.
I once had a passive-aggressive fight with a seatmate over the middle seat (where I was sitting). I got there first, I sat with headphones on, reading a book with elbows on the armrest.
Pax #2 doesn't immediately claim it, but later starts "sharing" it - propping his elbow in front of mine on the same armrest, assuming, perhaps, that his man-hair will annoy me enough to remove my elbow.
Nope. I decide to nap and let my arm relax where it is. He gives up and dozes off too, and I slowly and gently nudge his elbow out of place as if that is just how my arm decided to settle as I was napping.
etc, etc.
(We ended up sharing, but never overtly discussing it.)
I've also had grown men kick and pound my seat back like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum when I reclined it ever so slightly. Or, open the newspaper and turn the pages ever so violently so they slap the top of my head with the paper. Sometimes they don't know they're doing it, but I act like I'm slapping at the paper in my sleep (like swatting a fly away) and it usually stops.
LawyerChick
leigh7757 Oct 20th 2008 11:15AM
As a short passenger I've noticed people tend to believe that they can lay claim to your space based on the assumption that you don't need it. I've often ended up in the middle seat only to have someone stretch their legs into the space in front of me and hang their arm over the armrest and into my seat. Believe it or not, even at 5 feet tall my legs cramp while flying and I like to use that space to stretch them as much as is possible. And I don't care how nice looking you may be, I still don't want to feel your elbow digging into my ribs or your forearm brushing against my side.
To be perfectly blunt, I paid for my seat and the area directly in front of it and as such view it as mine for the duration of the flight. I always remain polite, but I have my limits.
I've been asked to move my small carry on bag and laptop into the overhead so the person next to me could put their large bag under my seat because I "don't need the leg room anyway". I politely declined and suggested it might be less awkward for everyone involved if they put their bag in the overhead, but was told it was too big and that they "didn't want it smashed".
Chris Oct 20th 2008 2:33PM
Agreed w/ all!
Greg B Oct 20th 2008 2:31PM
Perhaps I am cynical, but I have found that I enjoy flying in coach much more when I learn to accept certain rules about life:
1) The plane will be full.
2) There will be no room for my rollaboard. If am flying on an airline in which I don't have elite status, then there will be no room for ANYTHING, even a magazine, in the overhead bin by the time I get to my seat.
3) The guy in front of me will recline his seat all the way the instant the plane reaches cruising altitude (if not before).
4) That guy will not put his seat back up when the meal is served.
5) The guy next to me will take the armrest.
6) If I am in the middle seat, then the guys next to me will take both armrests.
7) The flight attendant will pester me to close my windowshade.
8) If I am flying on Continental, they will serve the chicken sandwich.
9) If the guy next to me is female, rules 5 and 6 do not necessary apply!
Armed with these basic assumptions, I can enjoy my flight and I will be pleasantly surprised if they don't all come true!
And seriously, why does the guy next to me always get the armrest? Am I the wrong shape for airline seats?
Beverly Ewing Oct 20th 2008 2:59PM
The above is why I ALWAYS book a window seat.
Canadienne Oct 20th 2008 9:01PM
It's stories like these that fill me with air rage - and I've experienced the gamut of rude behavior on planes. I care much more about having legroom on a 9 hour flight than I do about having personal TV entertainment in the seatback - yet the electronics for said entertainment take up all the underseat legroom in so many seats these days. The only time the middle seat seems bearable is when I'm sitting next to a family member on one or both sides.
My worst middle story: middle seat, both armrests commandeered by the requisite self-important businessmen, and the seat in front of me reclined. I had nowhere to go but back, so I reclined my seat, slowly and carefully. The woman behind me PUNCHED my seatback so hard that I flew forward and hit my head on the seat in front of me, whose occupant turned around and glared at me as if I were to blame. I fly well over 100,000 miles a year and am overly courteous (I'm Canadian) but it does absolutely no good at all. I am loathe to fly any airline on which I haven't earned elite status for this reason. Where do people get the idea that they're entitled to everyone else's space as well as their own?
middle seat horror Oct 20th 2008 11:36PM
first, i would like to start off by saying that i am a flight attendant myself. recently however, while flying as a passenger on another airline i had my worst middle seat experience i have ever seen or heard of. i boarded my overseas carrier for my 8 hr transatlantic flight from ny after being told i had an aisle seat (windows were taken already) only to find out i have a middle. a middle in the last row of the plane. after boarding is complete, the seat next to me (on the aisle) is still empty...confusing. the flight attendants then put a screaming french man next to me. he procedes to place his arm not only on the armrest, but completely into my seat. (picture his wrist actually on the armrest-no elbow) this has made it so i can not even sit back in my seat. after asking him to move his elbow numerous times with the only result being him screaming at me in french i give up. he does eventually move his elbow though, and i manage to sit back in my seat, and place my arm not on the armrest, but right against it so he can use it, but not move it into my seat. crazy frenchman then becomes irate screaming at me and makes as though hes going to backhand me across the face. shocked, i do nothing but stare and he then hits me (really hard) with his elbow in my arm and ribs!! now id say that that experience was bad enough, but after calling over the flight attendant they actually scold and repremand me. they say i have caused a scene, (i screamed when he hurt me) and refuse to move him. i then have to sit foward in my seat for all of takeoff because of the elbow. when they finally do move him all they do is put his wife next to me. the lfight crew spent the rest of the flight being extremely rude to me and the people i was traveling with. now, for all those other fa's. if this was my flight i would have this man removed in handcuffs. if you hit me or anyone on my flight i have the right to have you removed, and i will do so! good luck to all you middle seat occupants. we are sorry, but as you can see even flight attendants suck it up sometimes!
Heather Poole Oct 25th 2008 12:49PM
No one should have to suck it up, not the way you did! What a terrible story. I'm dying to know the airline. :) Those flight attendants were horrible to you.
Ben H Oct 25th 2008 12:25PM
This could have happened in any seat, but I so happened to occur one of the few times I found myself in a middle seat. I usually have enough notice before a flight date that I can scrounge up a window or aisle, but this time I just found out a few hours before, so I had to take a middle seat. I was between a middle-aged gentleman at the window, and a similarly aged woman in the aisle. The man stayed quiet for most of the flight, but the woman and I got to chatting. She had a son about my age who had recently dropped out of college and was moving back home. She was concerned about is future, and was asking me about my plans and interests. It turned out we shared many similar tastes and hobbies. All seemed like a normal congenial talk until about 90 min. into the IAD-SFO flight. Her right hand had found its way onto my left thigh. We had never bothered to put down the arm rest between us. I twitched my leg and her had quickly moved back to her lap. I chose to ignore her action, hoping it was a simple slip, and wanting to continue the nice company. We continued to talk, but about 15 minutes later her hand had now found its way higher up on my thigh, and she was gently rubbing up and down. At this point I had to put a end to it. I very firmly told her to stop, and I took her hand and removed it from my leg. The armrest went down, and I quickly retreated to my iPod and book. We departed the plane four+ hours later without another word being spoken. I still wonder what she was thinking (perhaps I know too well), but of all things that has crossed the line in passenger etiquette, this one has remained one of the most memorable. I suppose such an event could have taken place in any seat, but something about the confining nature of the middle seat made it all the more acute.
Heather Poole Oct 25th 2008 12:48PM
Ben -
Funny you mention this, I am currently working on a post GROPED ON THE AIRPLANE, IT HAPPENS, about a story I read about a man who experienced a similar situation. Starting to wonder JUST HOW OFTEN this type of thing happens?
Brenda SFO Oct 25th 2008 9:33PM
Heather, it happened to me on a flight from Auckland, New Zealand to LAX! I was in the upper cabin of the 747, and sitting next to me was a man involved in the New Zealand government. The cabin had been darkened and almost everyone was sleeping. I was asleep and suddenly found his hand on my thigh, slowly moving - I was shocked! I looked over my seat towards the galley and the flight attendant saw me looking towards her and silently mouthing the words "Help me" She came right over and cleared her throat very loudly ( the dude was pretending to be asleep, but he really wasn't) He didn't even look embarrassed at being busted. Don't get me wrong, I love kiwis, but not that much!
Hmmm...maybe I should have saved this post for your "Groped on an airplane" post - that should be a fruitful post! I wonder if Bob has any "groped" stories to share from his passengers? :-)
Heather Poole Oct 25th 2008 9:35PM
BRENDA - thanks for sharing. I'll use your story in the GROPED ON THE PLANE post. :) I was going to write something about BIDDING next, but perhaps I should write about this, since it seems to be happening a lot!
Amanda Nov 10th 2008 7:41PM
I recently had what I thought was the perfect middle seat situation (not that I haven't had my fair share of bad middle seat stories). I was on a short flight (of course these things only happen on the short flights!), and was sitting in a window seat, with an empty middle seat. After the flight took off the guy in the aisle seat asked me if it would be alright if we put down the tray in the middle. Of course it was, but I appreciated his asking. We were both able to put our drinks on the middle tray and continue working!
Eileen Nov 22nd 2008 8:33AM
Same as most I don't like the middle seat. However, someone has to get it. My suggestion make sure when you book your flight to choose a seat and if you aren't sure of the configuration of the plane you will be on check it before picking a seat. Making your reservation by phone don't forget to always request a seat. If you have booked late than, you have to take what is available.
Happy Travels
Space Mouse Dec 16th 2008 6:45AM
I am 6'2"
My 3 cats can sit on my shoulders, at the same time.
I look like a cross between Uncle Fester and the Russian Villians in the Rambo movies*.
I didn't know anyone else used the armrests.
*My wife disagrees, she thinks I'm cute...
I would agree, if only mothers would stop pulling their children closer to them in stores when I walk by :)